everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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