We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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