If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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