I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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