This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
