So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
