Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
