I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
