Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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