Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
