The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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