Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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