it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
