White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
