I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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