o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
