He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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