I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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