I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
