Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
