the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
