remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
