i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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