they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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