I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
