Umm I'm too high to move.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
