end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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