I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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