i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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