i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
