I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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