I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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