oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
