no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
