i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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