The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't turn off my feet"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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