Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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