No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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