so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She even gives head with a lisp.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
