why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
false alarm, still single
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
