Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
