In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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