it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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