her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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