I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
