theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
