U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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