you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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