i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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