He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
